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Duck's Method To Economic Collapse


"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." 

William Shakespeare, "Hamlet" (act II, sc. 2)


I used this quotation from William Shakespeare for delivering short speech at meeting of Kiev ToastCrackers Club, 12 November 2014.

This phrase resonates with one occasion I was witness to. 

As you know dollar rate is rising in Ukraine these days, so it is real agiotage about buying dollars in banks. I tried to make an exchange and could not do it. I came into one bank, another... There were no dollar availabilities! At long last I found the bank and got into line. Some people in a queue were worried that they can't make an exchange in different banks. A young well-dressed lady was among us. She stood aside and looked self-confident. She drew attention of all bank clients. I am not specialist in such things but I think that she used double or triple botox dose! She had really duck lips!

The girl behaved herself arrogantly. Though it was rude to see on her constantly, this girl was in the spotlight in the bank. I was intrigued because she did not talked on the phone. Usually such kind of girls can't be silent; they talk a lot of nonsense. But this fashion-conscious girl was deep in thought. Can you conceive of her spending time in such stupid way - in silence?! Other bank clients were disturbed with economic breakdown but she kept silence. Obviously, she had in mind to do something. But what exactly?...

When her turn has come the girl took the seat at the bank manager's desk, crossed her legs, put iPhone on the desk and asked: "Why did you answer me when you were eating the cookie?" (Her question sounds more expressive in Russian: "Почему вы мне ответили с печенькой?" The accent was made on last word "cookie" (Russian version "печенькa").

A bank manager looked at fashionable client and could not conceal astonishment.

"I don't know what a cookie you mean but what kind of bank services do you need?" asked a manager.

"I met you near the entrance to the bank. You were drinking coffee and eating the cookie. I asked you about services and you replied me rudely eating the cookie," said the girl.

"Ok. I had a short coffee break. As far as I remember I explained to you what you asked. How can I help you now?" Manager's disappointment was obvious to everyone. She wanted to get rid of the client with childish demand. Is the client always right?

"I want you give me an explanation why did you answer me when you were eating the cookie?" a girl with duck lips persisted in her question.

Other clients heard this conversation. We stared in amazement at duck lips girl. We surrounded her and listened intently to her repetitive question. We got a right to come closer and look at her duck lips and face.

A stubborn girl demanded to call a chief manager. He came a few minutes later, expressed astonishment when he heard the girl's claim or he was amazed by what he saw. Perhaps. I don't know. Then they left together to his office. None of attenders tried to intrude into a situation during this scene. I hit on an idea: thanks to the girl with duck lips we all forgot about exchanging currencies and dollar availabilities. She was, in fact, a perfect illustration of the idiom "to water off a duck's back." As you see economic collapse has no effect on the duck's brain.


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